I havent wrote in a while. I have been so busy with wedding planning and work! Well still no baby. But we are trying. Changing my diet and trying to exercise more. Its more harder than you think. I hope it works because if I don't have a baby in the next 2 years I more than likely will not have a baby. So that's not so good news. But I just have to put faith in God and pray about it.

update

So I am have the cryosurgery done this Monday. Im not looking forward to this but if it clears me up and makes me better Im all for it. I have been so busy with work and wedding. I havent had to time to slow down. Hopefully everything will go good. Thanks for reading.

Test

So had the biopsy yesterday. I wont know the results until 2 weeks. This is going to take forever! But he said it should from what he saw yesterday come back low grade cell. Which if it ever happens this is the one you want. I am so confused on all what is going on. It doesn't seem real. I have never in my life failed a pap smear and now I have. It is so scary. Oh when the results come back in 2 weeks he said we will go ahead a freeze my cervix. So that should be fun!! That was sarcasm.

The Good..The Bad... The Ugly

So yesterday I received a call from my ObGYN.... Not good news. They found a low cell count on my cervix. So there fore Monday of next week I get a biopsy. I don't even know what all this means. I guess I could think the worse and say I have cancer. Lord I pray I do not. This is scary and crazy all at the same time. Kinda depressed today don't know what they are going to say. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Well I'm a little behind on the postings! Sorry I have been so busy with school and wedding planning and work I haven't found the time to write! I have found since joining so much support on here. I didn't know that anyone read these postings. I just wanted to thank you for stopping by and actually caring about me and my problems. As you can tell I am new at the blogging world. It seems easy to sit down and type your fears and problems but some nights I find myself logging on and then staring at the screen. I start the B.C. tomorrow so that should hopefully get things regular again and moving in the direction its supposed to. Other than that just been busy!! And getting all the practice we can in to get to pregnancy! Sorry I try to joke sometimes. Not that I take this subject lightly. I feel sometimes you just got to laugh at life. But anyway, try my best to log on everyday to give you an update. And thanks again for stopping by. Goodnight!

Went to the doctor the other day! Well not as bad as I thought! But still not good! Anyways he put me on B.C. for 3 months because I am not really regular and my body is still in shock a year or so later after my miscarriage that it doesnt know what to do! So guess Ill give it a try and see what happens next. Not too much going on today. Just planning the wedding now. It's in June but still sooo much to get done!!! I am actually tired today! Didnt sleep a whole lot last night. But anyway hopefully this B.C. will be a positive start to change things.!

I find myself still awake from a long day of painting the living room. Tension is simi high in my house tonight for some reason. Maybe it's all this anger and frustration I have towards everything it seems. Today I blogged earlier 2 people I knew gave birth today but instead of feeling joy for them I spent all day mad and angry with myself and everyone around me. I dont understand how in your mind you feel and think its the right timing but in reality its not. My body wont let me get pregnant easy. I guess I have crappy female parts. I always thank my mother for that! She doesnt get the humor. I had a miscarriage in 2009 after dating my fiance for about 4 months. I was the first girl he ever got pregnant. Well, I had no idea that I was. And I was throwing up all the time morning, noon, night. Upon all this time, I was meeting his mom for the first couple times. We'd all go out to eat and I'd leave the table to go puke! She thought I had bulimia. But nope I was pregnant. Well I took a test finally and it said Yes! I was excited but I didnt know how my other half would take it. So I told him. He was a little shocked and quiet for about an hour. He wouldn't even talk to me! I guess after 4 months of dating you dont really know yet if you want to have kids yet! But he came around. But 6 weeks later I was laying in the bed and I got this awful just gut wrenching pain. Something I have never ever felt before. I was in tears. I laid across the bed to relieve pressure I did everything it seemed. Felt like an eternity. My fiance then boyfriend came home from work and saw me and asked what was I doing? what was wrong? I told him I didnt know. I tried to explain the pain and when I thought the pain was stopping here would come the next round. Well I didnt know what do to. Never been pregnant didnt know what I was experiencing. We went to the hospital where they told me what was going on. I was devastated. And mad and scared. Well since that day its been a hell of a time to get pregnant. Thanks to my crappy parts! And since then he's been a little off. But it's just another peg of the journey I suppose.