Saturday, September 24, 2011
Well I'm a little behind on the postings! Sorry I have been so busy with school and wedding planning and work I haven't found the time to write! I have found since joining so much support on here. I didn't know that anyone read these postings. I just wanted to thank you for stopping by and actually caring about me and my problems. As you can tell I am new at the blogging world. It seems easy to sit down and type your fears and problems but some nights I find myself logging on and then staring at the screen. I start the B.C. tomorrow so that should hopefully get things regular again and moving in the direction its supposed to. Other than that just been busy!! And getting all the practice we can in to get to pregnancy! Sorry I try to joke sometimes. Not that I take this subject lightly. I feel sometimes you just got to laugh at life. But anyway, try my best to log on everyday to give you an update. And thanks again for stopping by. Goodnight!
Posted by Nikki at 9:00 PM
Friday, September 16, 2011
Went to the doctor the other day! Well not as bad as I thought! But still not good! Anyways he put me on B.C. for 3 months because I am not really regular and my body is still in shock a year or so later after my miscarriage that it doesnt know what to do! So guess Ill give it a try and see what happens next. Not too much going on today. Just planning the wedding now. It's in June but still sooo much to get done!!! I am actually tired today! Didnt sleep a whole lot last night. But anyway hopefully this B.C. will be a positive start to change things.!
Posted by Nikki at 2:19 PM
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
I find myself still awake from a long day of painting the living room. Tension is simi high in my house tonight for some reason. Maybe it's all this anger and frustration I have towards everything it seems. Today I blogged earlier 2 people I knew gave birth today but instead of feeling joy for them I spent all day mad and angry with myself and everyone around me. I dont understand how in your mind you feel and think its the right timing but in reality its not. My body wont let me get pregnant easy. I guess I have crappy female parts. I always thank my mother for that! She doesnt get the humor. I had a miscarriage in 2009 after dating my fiance for about 4 months. I was the first girl he ever got pregnant. Well, I had no idea that I was. And I was throwing up all the time morning, noon, night. Upon all this time, I was meeting his mom for the first couple times. We'd all go out to eat and I'd leave the table to go puke! She thought I had bulimia. But nope I was pregnant. Well I took a test finally and it said Yes! I was excited but I didnt know how my other half would take it. So I told him. He was a little shocked and quiet for about an hour. He wouldn't even talk to me! I guess after 4 months of dating you dont really know yet if you want to have kids yet! But he came around. But 6 weeks later I was laying in the bed and I got this awful just gut wrenching pain. Something I have never ever felt before. I was in tears. I laid across the bed to relieve pressure I did everything it seemed. Felt like an eternity. My fiance then boyfriend came home from work and saw me and asked what was I doing? what was wrong? I told him I didnt know. I tried to explain the pain and when I thought the pain was stopping here would come the next round. Well I didnt know what do to. Never been pregnant didnt know what I was experiencing. We went to the hospital where they told me what was going on. I was devastated. And mad and scared. Well since that day its been a hell of a time to get pregnant. Thanks to my crappy parts! And since then he's been a little off. But it's just another peg of the journey I suppose.
Posted by Nikki at 8:50 PM
Well today has been a very busy day. I have 2 separate friends who gave birth today. Well I am kinda happy and kinda pissed off at the same time. I can't help but be a little selfish. Now one of the "friends" doesn't even deserve to have children. I just don't understand how there is wonderful human beings on the planet who try and try to get pregnant and cant. Then you have women like her that just do it once and the get knocked up. Then they leave their kids with whoever because they have to go meet another baby daddy. I did write on their Facebook though Congrats even though I was dying inside. I am trying not to get beat down about the whole pregnancy thing but it's way past the time!
Sorry everyone I just wanted to rant a little I guess
Sorry everyone I just wanted to rant a little I guess
Posted by Nikki at 5:30 PM
Monday, September 5, 2011
Hello everyone. I am a woman who's trying to having a baby. To no surprise it isn't working for me and my fiance. I have been trying for 2 years. We got pregnant back in 2009 and I had a miscarriage and since then he's been a little distant. I just want to know how I can bring him back to the same page with me! Sometimes he all about babies and then the next he doesn't know if he wants the commitment. Then on top of that I have female problems. I started a journey the other week. I went to the local fertility center. I have been doing research upon research. Did you know massage and yoga help?! I didn't so I decided to call about that. Well anyway, the fertility center has a massage therapist who is an angel! I don't want to lay in the bed for 9 months. For 1 it would be boring! And 2nd my fiance doesn't need that burden of supporting all of us! (I like to help with the income) But if it came down to it and that's what I had to do I would. But this is my first blog about this. Friends and Family really don;t understand. I don't have the support of anyone except my fiance and his family. My dad is no longer with me and my mom well that's for a different day maybe even a different blog! I'm also not sure if anyone reads this I guess it just helps get your thoughts and feelings out of your mind. So if anyone does read this thank you.
Posted by Nikki at 9:50 PM